I've been meaning to write an update on intern year for a while now. But as always in between being a stay-at-home momma for our two boys, and trying to balance everything else I haven't gotten around to doing it. I've been needing to finally sit down, and write this all out before I simply forget. This month we have felt what it's like to be in the craziness of intern year. And quite honestly by the sound of it, all of residency will be similar. It's hard to not write this out without sounding like a poor me but heck, I just wrote about how I need to stop saying it could be worse... so I'm owning this ish!
I don't understand the purpose of the ICU program scheduling 28-hour-shifts every five days. B told me the other day that he would rather (any day) do night float shift (13-14 hr) five days in a row, than be subjected to a fatiguing 28-hour-shift, that for him is always followed by a regular 14-hour-day. He only gets a day off every week. And that day is usually spent trying to rest up as much as he can, or scheduling something as a family while the days are still warm. Which means that as his other half, I'm also really stretched to the point of exhaustion. He's been clocking over 90 hours during the week, and it shows on both of us.
B and I often have conversations about why he chose this profession. And in all honesty we sometimes question ever doing it. Being a physician is hard work. The process of becoming a full- fledged, licensed, work-on-your-own physician is even harder. I get that this is the process of learning how to save lives, but it is grueling. B has had several people die this month in the ICU, and when he comes home to share those stories with me, there are always tears we share. The process of death, dying, and scheduling care will never be easy. And as I write this, I cry because I am so damn proud of him.
I'm looking forward to this rotation ending. And I get the feeling that once we get through this one we'll feel like the others will be a little bit easier to handle. I keep reminding myself that even though some days we aren't able to text until night time, or hear each other until the following day that our marriage and love grows stronger for each other because of it. I always send him pictures throughout the day, that end up piling up on his end. But when he is finally able to read them he always tells me they make his day. It's hard to appreciate the now without trying to wish away the days to hurry up. So I purposefully find those things that I am grateful for on a daily basis.
I am grateful for our health.
Grateful for being able to do the heimlich when Cristian choked on a goldfish cracker.
Grateful for our parents, on both sides.
Grateful for my sister who always makes me laugh.
For my best friend who is driving down to see me, and help out for a weekend.
Grateful for my strong Starbucks coffee.
Grateful for my loving husband, who kisses me every day before he leaves.
Grateful every damn day.
