Making Time

I've been running around this week trying to find a moment to meditate and breathe in the midst of everything going on in our lives. Some days seem to go by so slow, then I look up at the calendar and another week has flown by. Yesterday when we got to bed (after wrangling baby boy in the bath and putting him to sleep) I looked over to my esposito and asked--what in the world did we do with our free-time before Gabriel was born?

It was a funny thought because of course we got a lot done, I was working more than full-time in clinical research and getting the day-to-day completed as well. But for some reason I never felt as exhausted as I do now (on some days). Yet, I have also never felt as rested-- as when I get a sweet 4 hour stretch of sleep! It's so easy for me to go through the week and not take a time-out for myself and just breathe. It's as if I get caught up doing everything that I end up not doing anything at  all. 

I had to stop and think about the last time I stopped thinking about my to-do list, my goals for the week, what's for dinner... all the day-to-day mess. And really take some time for myself. And I'm not talking about taking some time to paint my nails or deep-condition my hair (which are awesome things that I need to get done... like yesterday) but I'm talking about reaching that place within myself that these things cannot reach. When was the last time I truly prayed and meditated?

I have a tiny obsession with finding out the root of words--what they really mean and in what context they were used. Because after all context can often define the meaning. I wanted to find out exactly what prayer meant. I wanted to find out more about this word-- back when it was first recorded. I wanted to find out the meaning in order to provide more meaning in why I need to do it more.

 What I found out truly blew my mind.

Prayer as defined in English is more of a petition--a wish we make,a way to ask for what we need.The word prayer is defined by Merriam Webster as: a (1) :  an address (as a petition) to God or a god in word or thought prayer

The English word prayer was used because it somewhat captured the essence of prayer from the Hebrew texts but not fully. I found several words that more closely define prayer from the original Hebrew. One of those words-- is the Hebrew word tefilah that is derived from the verb pallel that means "to judge." In the Hebrew the phrase lehitpallel ("to pray"), which also means "to judge oneself " is used to define prayer. Therefore, in the original text and meaning-- prayer is not so much a petition but a time to judge oneself... Yikes! I hope you're still with me.

 When I first came across this definition I thought--when was the last time I released my thoughts and meditated? Really prayed, not about my goals or things I needed  to get done but  instead searched within beyond the daily noise and judged myself. Turns out it had been a long time.

Have you ever thought of prayer as a time to judge yourself  (notice I didn't say to judge others ;)?  When was the last time that you stopped, looked within yourself to that inner place and contemplated on your character and self-evaluated the inner person that no one sees? Your true self. I'll admit that's a scary thought-- there is so much within me that is hard to face. Whether it's my attitude, jealousy, mistakes that I've made-- I just don't want to go there. Yet it's exactly what it means to pray and meditate.

When we take the time to meditate on these things-- we are acknowledging that they exist and in turn, begin to make changes. Sometimes we can look at all of the wonky things within us and then we step into the realm of peace that truly surpasses all understanding.The further we dive into prayer and meditation the closer we draw to the divine and our best self. However, the less time we set aside to focus on these things-- the more unsettled we will become. 

I am challenging myself to not only get my deep condition in this week but also to meditate and make time to self-evaluate. 

My hope for you is that you are able to do the same.


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