So, maybe it makes sense for me to get back to writing on here now that we're moving to a different city. And by the way, why did I not know how amazing the Madison area is?! It's a whole different vibe over there and we're really looking forward to shifting our lives in this new place. I remember sharing when B matched into residency in Milwaukee and how happy we were that we'd be staying in the city we called home for the past four years at the time. And truthfully, we were so happy. This city is where all three of our children were born, where I experienced some of my deepest sadness in losing our fourth pregnancy, and where we made a life for ourselves. It made sense to look for a job here at the end of fellowship. After all, this was our home.
I shared this post back in 2020 about our 'old gal' and reading it now reminds me of how cool it is to grow more into myself. The turning point for us and impetus to moving was that we did not want another year to go by without B being present outside of work for our children, myself, but most importantly, him. I think communication is the default answer when a couple is asked about the secret of a good marriage, but rarely do I ever hear listening. I think B and I have always been good communicators and it was the foundation of our relationship even before marriage. We would sit up for hours talking and sharing and listening to each other on a very deep level. But somewhere in between the 70-80+ hr work weeks, even after fellowship, we lost some of that. But here's the thing, there are seasons of this and sometimes we might choose not to endure another season because we don't see change and that's valid. However, for the two of us, we wanted to choose each other every single time and after a series of events that left both of us incredibly worried for B's well-being and mental health, I told him, please don't stay at your position because of me or my connection to this home. And that was that! The flow that we experienced once that decision was made, is one I'll have to leave for another day.
There's a certain kind of caring and love in knowing that you are choosing your partner every day and they are choosing you, too.
I could go into all of the mini-lessons that I've learned in this process, but I'd rather leave you all with this for now: what we sometimes think of as 'forever' is a reminder that being present is all we've got.
Abrazos,
Keila
Two years ago,I also said goodbye to what I thought would be my forever home. The home where my children grew up, where we noted their growth on the wall, where they took their first steps, said their first words and the home that got us through COVID lockdown. I endeavored to make this house a home where my family felt unconditional love and felt safe, seen and heard. Once my kids went off to college and on to forge their own adventures, the home felt too big and empty, so we moved. My heart still aches for the memories but I know another family is making memories of their own, and that gives me comfort. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your home, it is a deep pain, but it does get easier. It will take time for you to find your footing and a sense of belonging (I’m still adjusting) but you will make a new home again. Much love to you and I can’t wait to hear of your new adventures.
ReplyDeleteWhat a mature and truly loving approach to marriage. You are wise Keila.
ReplyDelete