vintage yellow blazer

Vintage yellow blazer via Plume Milwaukee find similar ethical and sustainable styles here, herehere and here |sustainable jeans (I cut the hem myself) via Levi's | ethically made black sandals (so comfy and soft!) via Everlane | ethically and sustainable made Caramel bucket bag via S├ęzane (I wear this everywhere!) | earrings are old Jcrew find similar styles here

It's been quite the week over year, as we wind down or should I say up, for the end of the school year! I still can't believe that Gabriel is finishing up kindergarten, as cliche as it always sounds, it went by so incredibly fast. He began going to school at four years old when I was a full-time grad student, and my schedule outside of the home was jam packed. Of course, I feel like every position I've been in has come with a different set of challenges. The other day, I was chatting with a friend, and they mentioned how I make it look very easy with my three in comparison to their one child, since they are a new parent. And the first thing I said was, but I remember it being so hard with just one! It took me two months to brave leaving the house with Gabriel, and I still remember it feeling like I ran a marathon the first time we went to the library. It's funny thinking about it now, but I would  sit there reading to him and watch him stare at toys (he was an infant), but it was a way for me to get out of the house and challenge myself to do something. Oh, and btw, damn the comparison struggle, I pray constantly that I may measure my growth and challenges against myself. 

I don't think it ever gets "easier" per se, but I think we do become more adjusted to the new challenges, and sometimes we don't, and that should be acknowledged in order to get help. And I know that not everyone can get help from family or friends either, and even now, I find myself in that position some days. We have lived in the city on our own for almost nine years now, and I've had to get creative and build my own village too. The way our society is set-up, caregivers are truly the binding thread to it all, and the least supported. In relationships that have children, just think about how our partners couldn't do what they do, unless they had someone caring for their children; it really is that simple. Added to that, our household expectations, and we are left with not much time for ourselves, if any at all. Yet, we are expected to do it all, and these expectations don't necessarily change if you are out of the home or work from home either! That's why I think it's so important to establish what expectations look like within every relationship. B and I have had to revisit expectations from time to time, and I feel like I have just finally arrived at a place where I feel whole and embrace homemaking for my family. I always think of that poem by Nayyirah Waheed's in her book of poetry titled Salt:

things. that should be asked
often. in every type. of
how is your heart.
is your breath happy. here.
do you feel free.
I am learning to give myself credit for my accomplishments, and much of my reactions to this stage in life has been a reflection of my own internal work and expectations that I have set up for myself too.

Now that I am at home full-time, it's taken a while for me to get my groove back. I started to reach out more to friends and family (working on my ego) and began reading resources to help me create harmony in my day-to-day. It's been truly a joy for me to ask these questions, and that's how I know I have made the right decision to stay home at this stage in mothering. I'm still trying to figure out how to make more moments to myself, because with three under six, many of my tasks revolve around urgent stuff that according to them need to get done asap... It has also been a huge support to let go of what no longer serves us in our home; to comb through closets, cupboards and drawers too. I keep learning more as I go, and I feel so grateful that I get to be their mami and make wherever we live a home. I don't think there is a secret to any of this, but I wake up before them and go to bed way later. I sneak moments alone at the gym, because they have a daycare. I love to support local ethical brands and shops, but my visit shopping for this blazer with my two helpers looked like this:
 and this...
before I get to this almost serene looking pic haha:
And as adorable as they are, I don't like to drag them all over the place with me because it does affect their own internal rhythm that we have worked hard to create for them over the years. So, I try to limit these visits to when B is home, and I have more freedom to try things on without having to chase them around the store lol! I continue to outline what it looks like to contribute to our community and those we support. Despite moments where I feel like nothing seems to go right, I feel a huge sense of belonging in knowing that my children are my most important work. Our family rhythm begins at 6 am and ends at 8 pm, with no naps in between, and it takes a lot of effort to get things done with my (very loose) pre-K homeschool curriculum. I do enjoy sharing snippets of our life on this blog and creating content, but as y'all know, this only captures one dimnesion of it all! But it is a fun way for me to stay engaged with you all, stay creative, and I get to stay home too.

Tell me, have you found a rhythm that works for you and your family? How do you find time for yourself? 

Wishing you all a great week ahead!


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