It seemed so surreal looking at all of these photos almost a year later as we prepare to celebrate Lucia's first birthday. I've tried to write this story a few times but each time I wasn't able to finish. I know it's because I wasn't ready to face that perhaps this was my last pregnancy. But also that this was the hardest labor for me! I still remember all of the details vividly and I fought back a few tears trying to gather all of my memories from the big day. I don't want to come across as histrionic but it truly was a challenge that took all of the strength in my being to complete. As you might know, I have had natural med-free labors with the boys at a hospital and I was fully prepared to do the same with Lucia. I honestly did not expect to be overdue much less schedule an induction. Especially after Cristian's big entrance a day before I scheduled his! I always tell mom's when they ask me for tips on natural labor to always be flexible and prepared just in case things don't go as planned. Because the end goal is to have both baby and mama alive and well! Truthfully,however, I hadn't taken my own advice and when it came time to schedule my induction I was really sad. It took a lot of conversations with Ben to share my wishes of having the least interventions possible. I scheduled my induction for 6/13/2016 at 9 am.
We decided to start on Cervadil which is a small pill that's inserted into the cervix. It releases a hormone that's supposed to help with contractions and dilation. I told Benjamin that the very last thing that I wanted was pitocin AKA the devil's drip 👿😂 I honestly don't remember who told me that but it truly made me very afraid of ever having to use it! My fear stemmed from not being able to control the contraction that I would feel because of the pitocin. If it isn't titrated correctly then you can end up feeling rapid contractions which sounded terrifying to me. Because I was able to labor naturally with the boys I did not want to lose control on my own body. So much of natural labor is being able to control your mind and body in the process. I hate not feeling in control and that fear started to take over. After about 30 mn the Cervadil seemed to be working which meant that I wouldn't have to start anything else. Another thing about hospitals is that sometimes it feels as if you're racing against the clock. The number I usually have in my mind is 24 hours because after 24 hours of my water breaking there has to be a c-section if I do not progress. My water hadn't broken yet and both Lucia and my heartbeat were doing well so I wasn't too worried about it. I was so incredibly grateful for this! That's another reason a c-section would happen especially if I wasn't having any progress. However, the scenario was looking promising because every hour after that I was dilated to half or full centimeter!
At that point, I pretty much did everything I could to get Lucia to start moving on out! I tried the birthing ball, walking, moving and all the while I was having very intense contractions every 2 minutes. They were consistent and strong. But here's the thing about labor after you have other little ones: you forget about the pain! I kid you not I always forget and then when another big contraction comes I'm like, ohhhh yeahh that's what it's like 😂 Things started to slow down at around 5-6 ish I stopped dilating but was still feeling contractions. However, the contractions weren't strong enough to get things moving. I started to feel scared because I did not want pitocin. At that point, I was in hard labor for 7 hours and was already feeling pretty tired. The nurses switched shifts and the new one had a few new ideas that we tried. The resident on call even broke my water but nothing changed. The nurse mentioned hanging the pit. You guys, at that point I was really terrified and started thinking the worst. What if the pitocin doesn't work and our heart rates start looking bad then I have to rush to a c-section and I wasn't ready for any of it. Ben looked at me right away and he knew something was up. At that point, I was still feeling painful contractions but nothing was changing. Also- Lucia was at -1 station and the pressure was so painful. It was so hard not to compare with the boys labor which at that point were looking like a piece of cake!
I started questioning my body and wondering why things weren't working. I was hungry and tired. I wondered if we had waited a few more days would she have come on her own. The questions were stacked and I was feeling really defeated. It was around 11 pm at that time.
The shifts changed again and I had already been in induced labor for 13 hours trying everything non-med possible with no luck. I still had no more dilation and that meant I was at 6 cm with strong contractions for 5 hours. I don't think I have ever been that exhausted in my life! Once, our new nurse came in I decided to finally share what was on my mind all night with Ben. I told him I was scared of the pitocin and that I didn't want to lose control. I was in tears at that point as he listened. He looked at me as he grabbed my swollen, tired and aching boy and told me he was there for me. That it would be okay and that we could do it together. We were both holding each other like we usually do at this point in pregnancy, my body and bump slightly pressing against his side for more room and his arms around my shoulders. At that moment, I felt his love and our baby between us and knew I had to make a decision and allow fear to sit next to me but not take control. I said a prayer and then told the nurse to hang the pitocin.
At around midnight the nurse had set everything up and she began the drip slowly. Almost immediately I began to feel strong and rapid contractions. It was within minutes and I quickly told Ben- this is it! He ran over and they felt like thunder. My entire body was overtaken and I overheard the nurse say, I turned off the pitocin, this is all you! I was in way too much pain to feel excited 😂 But apparently, the moment the pitocin was hung was the moment by body felt it was time. I transitioned to 10 cm in less than an hour. At that point, my body took over and I knew I would be holding our sweet Lucia in moments! I remember the nurse running in and telling me I couldn't have asked for a better on-call OB because everyone always said she must've been a midwife in another life lol! She was also excited that I had tirelessly pushed through to deliver our daughter med-free and she would be able to witness it. I remember yelling, "OKAY, I'm going to ride the contraction!" and in a matter of one insanely strong and measured push Lucia was born on 6/14/2016 at 12;44 am and I put her on my chest. My body was literally beat, I was bleeding and aching all over but I would do it again in a heartbeat to have our sweet daughter in our life!
